Monthly Archives: March 2011

Shame….

Shame is something I have been learning more about over the last few years.  After attending Blissdom 2011, I heard a phenomenal speaker who boldly discusses her study of shame in herself and others.  She left me feeling free and ready to tackle this concept of shame.

According to Merriam Webster the definition of shame is – a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety.

Who hasn’t felt this at some point in their life?  Brene goes into more depth about shame and how we all have it, the ways in which we handle it makes all the difference.  Shame leaves all of feeling unworthy, as if we aren’t enough just as we are.  It gets in the way of forming connections with those around us, even our families.  It leaves us vulnerable and the less we want to talk about it the more shame is allowed to take over leaving us feeling empty, lost and lonely.

The greatest part about her study is that she not only teaches you about shame, but she also explains how to run it out of your life.  The answer is simple – talk about it, let it out, and free yourself of its burden.  Well, all right!  Maybe it isn’t that simple.  Talking about the good and bad or our lives is very difficult, but it is worth it. “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.” Brene Brown.

I have let shame burden my life for a very long time, but I am ready to let go.  There are a number of things that I am ashamed of, but I realize that they were necessary in my journey to who I am today.

I am ashamed of my selfish behaviors, especially when I was in my teen years.  I made a lot of decisions that I later regretted.  Gossip and caddy behavior plagued my life and I am not proud of it.  I am sorry for all those I have hurt in my life, due to my selfishness.  I suffered from self hate, lack of self confidence and made many bad decisions because of it.  I wasn’t able to truly connect with others, because I didn’t like who I was.  Superficial relationships and fleeting friendships were my story.  I remember feeling so alone, unsatisfied and very unhappy.  Nothing was ever good enough.

Due to my search for excitement and fun, I didn’t spend time on the things that mattered.  I am ashamed to admit that I didn’t spend the time on my studies and reach my potential.  Finding shortcuts and easy ways out were my shame.

I am ashamed of my past and not always proud of my actions.  But one thing I am not ashamed of is my daughter!  Her battle with Tuberous Sclerosis is difficult, but I am proud to take this path with her.  I am proud of the person she has helped me become, less selfish, more thoughtful, more loving, and much stronger.  I believe in her completely and love her wholeheartedly.  During her journey I realize how important it is to admit my faults, move past them and learn from my mistakes.

Serving as a role model for her is going to be so important.  Showing her how to love herself, believing in herself and having the confidence to stand up for herself.  The one thing she needs more than anything is a place to come home to and the support of her family.

I feel so privileged to have been in attendance of Brene Brown’s amazing presentation.  Her book has become my bedside companion and release for my soul – “The Gifts of Imperfection – Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to be and Embrace Who You Are”.  I am thankful for all my shame and past experiences, they have made me a better person.  My strength comes from these battles and pain of the past.  I am able to learn from my own mistakes.

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